Winter Olympics 2018: How Nathan Chen Taught us the Meaning of Winning

If you’ve never tasted failure, you’ll never appreciate success.
 
There’s been a lot of articles on Nathan Chen this Olympic season, articles suggesting the games were too much for him, there was too much pressure, and that he fell to it. It was disheartening for many people to watch, and unimaginably more for him. But after his long freestyle performance last night- Nathan Chen not only embodied everything the Olympics is about but taught us all a valuable life lesson.
 
I call Nathan Chen the “Golden Boy”. He’s hands down one of the best skaters in the world, a supernatural quad killer. His performance in the US National Championship was a statement to every competitor, “Be afraid. Be very, very afraid” because this young man can beat your best.
 
Of course, in the team event and short program, Nathan couldn’t seem to find himself. Whether it was the pressure, the conditions, having to skate right after Hanyu, he couldn’t complete his quads. And it was obvious, it had nothing to do with talent. It was difficult not to be disappointed for him. Everyone wanted to see him find his confidence and compete at his best. Not even to get the gold, but to show that he could do this, to show who he is as a skater.
 
Then something happened, in the depths of discouragement- he rose.
 
He came back from the most-dire situation. After two performances of falls, he made Olympic history. Chen added six quads to his performance, setting a new standard for men’s figure skating. He demonstrated exactly of what he’s capable, and his ability to not only fly but soar above his competition. He may not have won the gold, but he won the freestyle program with a score of 215.08 compared to gold medalist, Hanyu’s score of 206.17. Proving his ability to stand up against the best.
 
While Chen might be contemplating the “what if” of his Olympic experience, this shouldn’t be a story of disappointment. His story teaches us something much more valuable. It’s not the score, it’s not the points, and it’s not the Gold. It’s the refusal to give up even in seemingly desperate situations.
 
The Olympics may consist of the world’s elite coming together to compete but there’s so much more behind that. It’s spirit, it’s achievement, it’s struggle, it’s the dedication required to get there. The greatest Olympic moments aren’t always those that end on a podium, but those that end in triumph. They’re the moments that something is proven to ourselves and the world- it’s grasping the impossible.
 

We don’t always perform the way we want or what’s expected of us. Life throws obstacles, obstacles we never see coming, obstacles making us feel as though we’ve failed. There’s a lot to bear in that disappointment, and to make a comeback sometimes feels unattainable. We have to dig, we have to believe in ourselves, in our talent, in our ability to succeed. What defines us is how we react to failure. In adversity, we find ourselves. We collapse, we grow, and then we succeed. More than we could have ever imagined. The most meaningful award is not tangible, but rather that of content and acclaim in who we are and what we do. 

Not My Kind of Love

“They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.” Unfortunately I can’t take credit for that one. It’s F. Scott Fitzgerald, one of my favorite authors. But the idea of love is something I’ve always had a passion for- to learn it, it understand it, to feel it. However, I have a suspicion that love isn’t really meant to be fully comprehended, but rather enjoyed in it’s sincerity. 

But this post isn’t necessarily about finding love or my hopeless romanticism that there’s someone out there to complete us. Rather, it’s about recognizing what love is not. 

It’s time for another confession, or rather a truth. While it took a lot to write about my anxiety, I thought it necessary so I might help someone else. I have the same intention with this.

Take a moment and consider this. There’s someone you’re interested in, someone you care about, someone you believe to be nice. They say all the right things at first, they start out by treating you well- maybe doing everything you’ve always hoped for, you get comfortable, you open up with that comfort and let that person into your life. 

Then little by little you notice subtle changes in behavior. First it’s a small comment, “You’re wearing that out?” But you don’t think much of it. It happens again. “You’re just looking for attention with that outfit.” This time, you’re a little put off. You’ve never had someone say that to you before, and of course the idea of wearing something for attention is absurd- you wear something because it makes you feel good about yourself. 

The snarky, judgemental remarks continue everytime you do something this person doesn’t like, everytime it seems like they’re losing control.

Slowly, it progresses until suddenly you realize what’s going on, but it’s too late. The damage is already done. 

Emotional abuse is something that can be very difficult to recognize, but something many people experience without even knowing it. A few years ago, I went through the same type of relationship. I had no idea what was going on at first. He gave the appearance of a proper gentlemen, doing everything I could want, doting me with attention and saying all of the right things. But then it slowly became overbearing- his attention became unhealthy and his remarks toward me unwanted and mean. 

I grew more and more unhappy by the day, I couldn’t focus on school work. I felt awful about myself. It took him screaming at me for no reason to realize I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. As soon as I recognized that, I ended it. But that also made it worse, and him angrier because I was strong enough to leave. 

He insulted me in every way possible, tried to make me think I’d never find anyone if I left him, and called me every negative name you can think up until finally I had to file a police report and block him completely out of my life. 

Even after breaking up with him, it took a toll in every other area of my life. I lacked the confidence I once had, I didn’t think much of myself. My grades suffered, I suffered. I found myself in an actual state of depression. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t think I could do anything. But I knew I was the only one who would be able to fix me and the position I found myself in even after he was no longer in my life. 

Pulling myself out of that situation was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. I took baby steps: I exercised, I tried to do little things that would make me happy, I even forced myself to go to counseling- which was very beneficial and something I would recommend to anyone in that situation, or any that causes emotional distress. 

(Take this quote to heart.)

I don’t feel it’s necessary to go into details about what happened. What I want to focus on is the fact that love, true love, is something that uplifts your soul. You will never second guess yourself, you will never feel insecure. Real love should never make you question if you’re happy, or who you are as a person. And for those who experience anything less, for those who have someone making them feel inadequate or as if they’re not doing enough- I hope you find the courage to leave. It’s hard, it hurts, but staying will hurt more- and love, well love doesn’t hurt. Love shouldn’t hurt. And if it does, I’d argue it’s not love at all. 

One last thing, when someone puts you down, when someone bullies you or tries to take away who you are or make you feel like you’re not important- it’s not you they have an issue with, it’s themselves. You are a wonderful, beautiful person with so much to offer whoever is meant for you and you will find them if you have the courage not to settle for less than you deserve. 

And remember, the love you're looking for- the healthy, happy, passionate kind they write books and movies about- well... 

Break Up With Fear

Life is a series of moments. Moments that make us happy, moments that make us sad, moments that pass us by, and even become memories. Then there are moments that define us and impact who we become, when sometimes we find ourselves with potentially life altering decisions. Those are the moments that can lead to extraordinary events. 

A few weeks ago, I found myself competing for Miss Pennsylvania Earth United States. I didn’t think I was going to compete again, and it was a very last minute decision because I knew I was about to age out of the Miss division. I didn't even tell anyone I was competing, not because I didn’t want them to know, but because I knew my family was concerned about money and it being an investment to have even started in the first place. But something in me felt like I needed to try one more time, and the more I read about the Miss Earth system, the more I fell in love with it, the more I needed to at least try to be a part of it. 

But one thing people may not know about me is the fact I struggle with anxiety and have ever since I was a little girl. I know what it’s like to have to force yourself to do things, I know how tough it is to simply leave the house, I know all too well what it’s like to lose friends and miss opportunities because it can control you. It’s like having a fear to live at times, and when you’re someone with goals and dreams, a fear for life seems devastating. 

When I arrived in Philadelphia to check in for the regional preliminaries, I sat in my car for almost half an hour debating- struggling to get out of the car. Not because I didn’t want to compete. I had been excited for this ever since I registered, and was looking forward to meeting new friends and getting on stage again. I was struggling because my anxiety was slowly taking over. 

The truth is, I’ve found few things more empowering than having to get on stage and exuberate confidence. That’s the reason I love pageantry. It promotes self-development, and only makes you stronger the more you prepare. 

But even with my love of the Miss Earth system and pageantry, I was second guessing myself when I first arrived. I let every doubt and fear run through my mind until finally, I consciously forced myself to get out of the car. I had registered. I had made the two hour - then three and half hour with Friday traffic- drive to Philly, and I reminded myself how much I wanted to be able to help someone else.

The reason I originally started competing was to re-develop my self-confidence during a time in my life when I didn’t believe in myself at all. I needed to overcome the anxiety that was slowly becoming overwhelming due to other events that had unfortunately occurred and effected my life in an aggressively negative way. Watching the national pageants, and seeing these beautiful, accomplished women inspired me. And ever since then, I’ve hoped to do the same for someone else. 

With this in mind, I slipped off my flats for my stilettos and walked into the Hyatt at the Bellevue to check-in. And then something amazing happened, something I had hoped for but didn’t expect. I was crowned Miss Pennsylvania Earth United States 2016. And it was by far, the most surreal moment I had ever experienced. 

I’m usually private about certain details of my life, but I like to share and post inspirational things. I don't want to contribute to the negativity in the world. So I’m sharing my story in hopes that it will inspire someone. Whether you have anxiety or not, it’s for anyone with a dream. Don’t be afraid to go after what you want in life. Push past the fear and work for it. Success is perseverance. Never let anyone make you feel you don’t deserve what you want- including yourself. Remember that we are all capable of so much more than we can even imagine if we only believe in ourselves. 

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” 

It's Up to You- New York, New York

This wasn’t my first marathon. And while mentally I thought I had anticipated what to expect from the Marine Corps Marathon, I knew I hadn’t trained remotely close to the distance I should have been running. My longest run in practice was six miles. Six miles of preparation for a twenty-six point two mile race. To say I was concerned would be an understatement, but I wanted to finish. I knew I needed to finish, and of course at the beginning it’s easy to be optimistic. It’s easy to mentally envision the way you want things to go.

As the announcer counted down to the start, it was impossible to ignore the excitement of the crowd. Everyone was working toward that same goal, everyone wanted the same thing- to finish the world renowned New York City Marathon. To run the five boroughs and cross the famous finish line we’ve watched thousands do year after year. 

The gun went off and “New York, New York” rang from the speakers. Frank Sinatra’s familiar melody greeted everyone one of us to New York, and gave us the hope of accomplishing something great, in a city where greatness is the only option. I started to cross the Verrazano Bridge with every intention of letting my little town blues fade away. 

I knew it was going to be a rough day when I wasn’t even a mile in and my side started cramping. I straightened my posture and ran through it trying to focus on everything this marathon had to offer.
Everything about New York is amazing, but the most out-standing part is the crowd, Three millions spectators lined the streets to offer support. With music and tremendous cheers from the sidewalks, you would think the New York City Marathon was an Olympic event and they were cheering for every single one of us to go for the Gold- the only opposing competition being the course itself with only one way to defeat it.

Barely half-way through I couldn’t imagine how I was going to make it another half. We crossed another bridge into Brooklyn, and as I crossed the half-way point I started hurting. This hadn’t happened until mile eighteen of my first marathon. I was preparing for the worst.

Anyone will tell you that the first half of a marathon is training, the second is heart. At that point, I started having a conversation with God and every Saint and Angel I could remember. I was praying- begging for the strength to get me to the finish line. 

But even with my prayers, I kept feeling worse with every mile. For the first time during any of my runs I had to stop to walk several times. I had to stop to stretch. But I knew if I wanted a chance of finishing I had to keep running so my body didn’t stiffen. So my small breaks and moments of relief didn’t last long. I ran, I walked. With every step my knees felt like they could give out at any moment, and my legs seemed to somehow gain weight. One foot in front of the other was easier said than done. 

I kept telling myself just make it through the five boroughs, make it to Manhattan and see how you feel. At least in Manhattan my family was waiting despite what happened. But once I got there, I knew it was close to the end- maybe too close to give up.

My new goal was to make it from one water station to the next so I could walk and drink. It was excruciating. But somehow, before I knew it. I saw the familiar atmosphere of Central Park. I was almost there.

But at mile twenty-four those prayers had slowly turned into me thinking I was dead, wishing I was dead. Every part of my body hurt and I had no idea how I made it this close but still had so far to go. Two point two miles seemed reasonable but when you’ve been running for twenty-four miles, taking a step feels like climbing Everest.

I started walking and I started crying. It was too much this time.
I was prepared to walk to the finish line.
Then I heard a voice on my right, “Hey you can’t stop now, you’re almost there. Only two miles left. It’s all in your head now.”
I glanced over and there was a man about to pass me.
I smiled and shook my head in despair, thinking about letting him run by me. But instead I surprised myself, I started to run with him. I learned his name is Pat, a 52 year old runner from Wisconsin.
I thought I’d just run a little while with him and stop if I needed, but he kept encouraging me to pick up the pace with him and everyone else we ran by that day.

“You can’t walk now. You want to be running when the cameras are on you. Gotta straighten those shoulders and look good."
"I don’t know about you but this is the last time I’m running this- And you made it this far, it's all in your head now." he repeated as he probably noticed the look of despair on my face.

I listened to him and agreed. This is a difficult marathon to get selected to run and I didn’t know if I would want to run it again or if I’d manage to get in again. 

Pat proceeded to tell me this was the last marathon he was going to run and he wanted to do it in four hours and ten minutes. 

At that point I knew I had to finish and I knew that I had to give whatever was left in me. We picked up the pace. Pat and I weren’t just running, we were passing people. As we made the last turn toward the finish line he said, “There it is, bleachers on both sides. Almost there!”
I smiled for the first time in miles.
And with the crowd cheering and the announcer yelling, “You’re going to do it! You’re going to complete the New York City Marathon!” we crossed the finish line that so many runners dream about doing.

Pat not only met his goal, he beat it and thanked me for helping him. And I finished the NYC Marathon knowing I gave everything I had. I also discovered a new person when I crossed that finish line, and I realized that my original prayers had been answered after all. God had given me the strength to finish that race before I even knew I had it. I was too tough to kill and too strong to give up. I only needed someone to remind me what I’m capable of doing. I will forever be grateful to Pat for being my Godsend on Sunday November 1, 2015. 

The truth is whether you’re a marathon runner or not, know that nothing can stop you from accomplishing something- not even training improperly. What life comes down to is heart. What do you want and what are you willing to go through to get it. We all have the ability to achieve greatness and God gives us exactly what we need, even if we don’t always see it at first. Believe in yourself, because you are the only one standing in the way of what you want.

“It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

-Marianne Williamson