Break Up With Fear

Life is a series of moments. Moments that make us happy, moments that make us sad, moments that pass us by, and even become memories. Then there are moments that define us and impact who we become, when sometimes we find ourselves with potentially life altering decisions. Those are the moments that can lead to extraordinary events. 

A few weeks ago, I found myself competing for Miss Pennsylvania Earth United States. I didn’t think I was going to compete again, and it was a very last minute decision because I knew I was about to age out of the Miss division. I didn't even tell anyone I was competing, not because I didn’t want them to know, but because I knew my family was concerned about money and it being an investment to have even started in the first place. But something in me felt like I needed to try one more time, and the more I read about the Miss Earth system, the more I fell in love with it, the more I needed to at least try to be a part of it. 

But one thing people may not know about me is the fact I struggle with anxiety and have ever since I was a little girl. I know what it’s like to have to force yourself to do things, I know how tough it is to simply leave the house, I know all too well what it’s like to lose friends and miss opportunities because it can control you. It’s like having a fear to live at times, and when you’re someone with goals and dreams, a fear for life seems devastating. 

When I arrived in Philadelphia to check in for the regional preliminaries, I sat in my car for almost half an hour debating- struggling to get out of the car. Not because I didn’t want to compete. I had been excited for this ever since I registered, and was looking forward to meeting new friends and getting on stage again. I was struggling because my anxiety was slowly taking over. 

The truth is, I’ve found few things more empowering than having to get on stage and exuberate confidence. That’s the reason I love pageantry. It promotes self-development, and only makes you stronger the more you prepare. 

But even with my love of the Miss Earth system and pageantry, I was second guessing myself when I first arrived. I let every doubt and fear run through my mind until finally, I consciously forced myself to get out of the car. I had registered. I had made the two hour - then three and half hour with Friday traffic- drive to Philly, and I reminded myself how much I wanted to be able to help someone else.

The reason I originally started competing was to re-develop my self-confidence during a time in my life when I didn’t believe in myself at all. I needed to overcome the anxiety that was slowly becoming overwhelming due to other events that had unfortunately occurred and effected my life in an aggressively negative way. Watching the national pageants, and seeing these beautiful, accomplished women inspired me. And ever since then, I’ve hoped to do the same for someone else. 

With this in mind, I slipped off my flats for my stilettos and walked into the Hyatt at the Bellevue to check-in. And then something amazing happened, something I had hoped for but didn’t expect. I was crowned Miss Pennsylvania Earth United States 2016. And it was by far, the most surreal moment I had ever experienced. 

I’m usually private about certain details of my life, but I like to share and post inspirational things. I don't want to contribute to the negativity in the world. So I’m sharing my story in hopes that it will inspire someone. Whether you have anxiety or not, it’s for anyone with a dream. Don’t be afraid to go after what you want in life. Push past the fear and work for it. Success is perseverance. Never let anyone make you feel you don’t deserve what you want- including yourself. Remember that we are all capable of so much more than we can even imagine if we only believe in ourselves. 

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”